It has been too long since I’ve posted.  Time to change that today with a list of things that I realize shouldn’t annoy me for any rational reason, but do.  I’m not nearly as angry a person as the rant below is about to make me sound – I swear!

First, the category of misuse of the English language.  These things shouldn’t bother me.  Heck, I get the argument that if something’s used enough, it adopts the meaning of what people are trying to get across anyway – that’s kind of the idea of language.  However, there’s some sort of little thing in my brain – perhaps a gnome-like man – that screams and shouts when I run across any of the following misuses of common phrases:

Misuse of common phrases and words drives me sort of crazy – for example:

Elsewhere in the realm of English, if you’re older than, say, 12, and can’t properly use the following, reading your writing drives me sort of nuts:

  • You’re / Your
  • There / They’re / Their
  • To / Too

Random:

  • There is a “right way” to put toilet paper on the roll!  Wrong drives me batty for no good reason at all.
  • Doubletalk – really it merits a post of its own at some point.  This is annoying especially in politics, where it’s used constantly.  Both parties are guilty of it.  You know, things like saying “Tax and Spend Democrats” as if it’s the worst possible thing (when historically, Republicans just SPEND and Spend!).  Come to think of it, this needs its own post – there are rational reasons this annoys me, and this post centers mostly around things I shouldn’t be bothered by!
  • Stupid Reality TV shows about snotty rich people.  Yeah, I know I don’t have to watch it.  Heck, I don’t watch any of it, but just hearing that there are shows about “real housewives of” [insert city here] fills me with rage.  I am way more entertaining and hilarious than a bunch of stuck up rich snobs.  Where’s my reality show, Fox?!  Oh wait, I only get one if I’m rude to everyone and/or kick puppies, don’t I.  Damn.

Sports:

  • The days of sports figures being role models are over.  I’m tired of hearing the media crucify someone for smoking a bowl or going out drinking.  I think they’re stupid, don’t get me wrong, but really, it’s 2009.  There are cell phone cameras in just about every pocket in any public place.  No prominent figure can do anything that you and I can get away with anymore, and I think it’s a little unfair to expect them to stop living their life just because they’re well known.The only reason sports figures and other celebrities got to be role models in the past was the absence of this sort of coverage (and the internet).  We were able to preserve the myth that they were figures to be looked up to who were upstanding, took care of their bodies perfectly, and did nothing but wonderful things.  Come on, do you really think Babe Ruth wasn’t partying like a rock star back in the day?
  • Fans who don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.  Hey, if you don’t know the game, that’s cool – ask questions!  I’d love to introduce you to my favorite sport.  Pretending you know what you’re talking about, on the other hand, bugs the crap out of me for no good reason.  When the person sitting behind me at the Blackhawks game talks about how “Ben Eager is really good for a defenseman!” I’m silently wishing I could turn around and smack them.

Music:

  • Auto tune drives me crazy.  The “Cher effect” as it is often known is vastly overused and was only interesting once.  It’s like nails on a chalkboard now.  Stop using it.
  • Competition for who knew about a band first:  It’s dumb.  You’re not a better person for having seen “Death Before Dying on a Twisted River that’s Bleeding” before all of your lesser friends.  Overhearing conversations about it when I’m at a concert drives me sort of nuts.

The web:

  • Attention graphic designers:  Computer monitors come in all shapes and sizes.  If you were brought up in the world of print, and have no formal training about designing things for these newfangled intertubes – go back to school.
  • Attention non graphic designers:  It might be best if you just don’t make any websites.

Social Networking:

  • If you never talked to me way back when we were in school, or worse yet you were a jerk – why are you friending me on Facebook?  Are you just collecting people or something?  I’ve accepted friend requests from a few of you thinking you might send me a note and say something – but you don’t.  Why did you add me, then?  What’s the fascination?  Trying to figure out why you added me drives me sort of crazy.
  • “Gifts” and stupid games:  I don’t want to install the “vampire mob superduperuberpoke gifts and pantaloons” application just so I can see a picture of a little cartoon bunny you sent me!  Why not just do a google images search and send me a link or something?
  • Spam of the dumbest variety:  Do you really think that because you followed me on Twitter I’m going to go visit your website that’s trying to sell me a Russian Bride?  Not going to happen.
  • Saying “backslash” when telling someone how to get to your “page.”  There are no backslashes!  This: “/” is a forward slash – just “slash” for short.  There are none of these: “\” in URLs!  On top of being wrong, it’s harder to say “backslash” than just “slash.”  STOP!

Well, there you have it.  A probably incomplete list of things I realize shouldn’t bother me at all, but they do.  They nag the back of my brain for no rational reason.

I find myself wondering if there is some evolutionary benefit to my brain’s architecture “wanting things to be right.”  Surely this gut reaction must have been developed over time for some reason, right?  Or is it just a weird byproduct of other things?

I should’ve been a neuroscientist so I could go figure stuff like this out…